August 15, 2006
Fantasies & Fetishes
Content by BetterSex.com - the #1 Authority on Sex. Tip # 1: Function of Fantasies »
Tip # 3: Accepting Fantasies »
Tip # 1: The Function of Fantasies
For those who have trouble achieving orgasm with a partner, sexual fantasies are a useful tool. Many can learn to achieve orgasm through fantasizing during masturbation. The stimulation becomes psychological as well as physical. In practicing using this tool, the key is to block out distractions both external (noise, interruptions, or even light) and internal (judgments, expectations). Remember that you are in charge of your own pleasure. The best part is that you are in control of what your fantasies are. No one is stopping you from enjoying the pleasures available to you when you open your mind and celebrate your body.
Almost every human being has sexual fantasies at one point or another during his or her life. In essence, sexual fantasies allow us to explore our imaginations and create arousing scenarios that differ from what we experience in reality. For some, fantasies include sexual role-playing or acting out scenes while we and our partners play different roles. Others fantasize about introducing a third person into the sexual encounter. There are thousands of fantasies, limited only by the individual’s desires. Sharing these fantasies, in fact, can be a way to bring you and your mate closer together, even if they remain as fantasies.
The human mind is capable of a wide range of visions. The beauty of sexual fantasy is that the possibilities are limitless. However, some fantasies may seem alien to our partners. A woman may fantasize about being raped – not because she really wishes to have this violent act performed on her. In society, women are often required to keep their sex drives secret for fear of being seen in a negative light. The rape fantasy gives an excuse for her to become sexual. But this is just a fantasy. A man may fantasize about making love to his wife’s sister or best friend. In reality this can be an extension of his love for his wife, by the symbol of embracing the other women in her life. Don’t be threatened by your lover’s fantasies. Remember that most of the time they are not intended to be acted out.
Perhaps one of the most common fantasies lovers have is one they don’t even realize they have: change. Be spontaneous and surprise your lover by doing or wearing something you don’t normally. If you typically meet at a particular restaurant on a Friday night, suggest a walk in the park instead. (And have a surprise bottle of champagne waiting at home.) Change your look now and again as well. Go from casual to classy or downright sexy one night. Just the effort you put into pleasing your partner will go a long way.
How is a fetish different from a fantasy? While a lot of fantasies involve various fetishes, there are two definitions of the word fetish that work together to define the word. The first definition describes a fetish as an ¬ìextreme or irrational devotion to some activity¬î and the second definition calls fetish ¬ìa charm superstitiously believed to embody magical powers, like voodoo.¬î Essentially, experiencing a fetish most often means combining an object (shoes, leather, rubber or a body part like feet, toes, hair, etc.) with some erotic act related to that object. Basically, if some object entrances you in an erotic way, and you are powerfully driven satisfy your desires, it’s most likely a fetish you’re experiencing.
Many couples enjoy having shaved genitals. Many say that the lack of pubic hair in that region heightens sensations and makes sex more exciting. Some couples even use erotic shaving as a way to be more intimate. Letting your lover shave you ¬ñ or watch you shave ¬ñ can be extremely arousing. If you shave each other, remember to use clean, warm water and a new razor. Don’t use the same razor on each other; use a fresh one for each. Take your time and go slowly! Remember that the act of shaving can be just as rewarding as the results.
Perhaps the most popular fantasy couples share is role-playing. If you and/or your partner have a sexy scenario in mind, try acting it out as part of your next sexual encounter. Many role-playing fantasies involve some sort of a power play, or a dominant/submissive scene. These can take shape as teacher and student, warden and inmate, boss and employee, etc. Others involve “chance” meetings as “stranger.” (These fantasies can be fun to live out since couples can actually begin the fantasy in public!) As long as both partners are willing to engage in the fantasy, acting it out can be extremely arousing for both people. Take the fantasy further by dressing up in costumes or even switching roles.
The fabrics of certain clothing can spice up your sex life as well. Many people are turned on by the feel and smell of leather and/or latex clothing. Both materials are shiny, cling to your every curve, and feel great on your skin as well as your lover’s. Leather is more expensive, but those who get a charge out of it have a lot of options for incorporating it into their lives. Leather couches, chairs, shoes, restraints, and even crops can be purchased to add to sex encounter. Latex is a very shiny plastic material that is much less expensive than leather. If you wear a latex garment, always use lots of talcum powder on you body before dressing, as oils can break down the quality of the latex. Be sure to wash the garments in water after removing them as well.
Sadomasochism (or “S & M”) crosses the line of both fantasy and fetish. Late 19th century psychologist Richard von Krafft-Ebing identified Sadists and Masochists related “sexual anomalies.” He wrote that sadism is “the experience of sexual pleasurable sensations (including orgasm) produced by acts of cruelty, bodily punishment inflicted on one’s own person or when witnessed by others, be they animals or human beings. It may also consist of an innate desire to humiliate, hurt, wound or even destroy others in order thereby to create sexual pleasure in oneself.” A masochist was described as someone who is “controlled by the idea of being completely and unconditionally subject to the will of a person of the opposite sex; of being treated by this person as by a master, humiliated and abused. This idea is coloured by lustful feeling…” Both terms are named after literary figures. Sadism comes from French writer Donatien Alphonse Fran?ßois de Sade (a.k.a., the Marquis de Sade), and Masochism was named after the late 19th century novelist Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, whose writings depicted this kind of gender control.
A lot of couples like to swing…but not necessarily in the way you might think. The fantasy of being weightless as you make love has resulted in the development of perhaps one of the most fun sex toys ever created: The sex swing. With the use of a sex swing, you and your partner can enjoy complete freedom of movement in your lovemaking. Most swings are easily installed in a door frame or ceiling and are easily moveable. That way, you can enjoy your favorite positions without stress or strain. (You may even come up with a few new positions as well.)
Comments(4)
